


The Worst Thing

by Chibi_Mochi



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Begging, Break Up, Character Death, Jealousy, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Murder, Pining, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:40:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27419677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chibi_Mochi/pseuds/Chibi_Mochi
Summary: "It hurts a lot, but because I was the one who was there for you all the time, but the worst thing is even after everything, I still love you, and I don't regret anything. Because no matter how many times you break my heart, I still love you."
Relationships: Kita Shinsuke/Miya Atsumu, Kita Shinsuke/Ojiro Aran
Kudos: 15
Collections: Haikyuu Angst Week 2020





	The Worst Thing

**Author's Note:**

> Day 6 of Haikyuu Angst Week  
> Tiers 1 and 3: First and Lasts & "The worst thing, even after everything, is I still love you/I don't regret anything."

Aran had always admired Kita from afar. He'd always watch how Kita would do everything diligently, deal with the twins and Suna, how he cared for everyone, and how he played whenever he was subbed into the court. No matter what Kita was doing, Aran had his eyes on him. He was aware that what he was feeling wasn't admiration anymore. It was more than that. It was love. So, he did everything he could to be with Kita. He'd join him in cleaning the shower rooms, he'd wipe the used balls beside him, he'd talk to him about his grandmother, and he'd lock up the gym with him. Aran did everything he could to be closer to Kita, but no matter how hard he tried, he could never get Kita's full attention.

"Where's Kita?" Aran asked. It was unusual for Kita to miss wiping the balls they used or mopping the floor, so it made him wonder if something was wrong. Suna raised his head and looked at him, "I think he's with Atsumu,"

Aran felt his heart constrict. As much as he didn't want to feel any negative emotion towards Atsumu, he couldn't help but feel jealous. He took a deep breath and shook his head. He shouldn't feel jealous, he kept repeating that same line to erase what he was feeling, but it meant nothing when he saw Kita smiling at Atsumu. He could see how Kita's eyes glinted as he looks at Atsumu.

Aran returned to the gym and saw everyone staring at him, "I thought you went to go get Kita?" Osamu asked, his head resting on Suna's shoulder as he eats his Onigiri. Aran faked a smile and sat beside Omimi, "he's with Atsumu,"

Aran watched as everyone, except Osamu, created an expression that says, "that makes sense," Aran could feel his chest tighten, but there's nothing he can do about it because it seems like Atsumu and Kita were meant to be a couple. The two came in with a smile on their faces, and they were met with teasing from their team, including Aran himself. It hurts to blurt out teases when your jealous but Aran managed. The teasing continued. Atsumu was yelling at everyone with a blush on his face while Kita stood beside him, with his eyes glued to the ground, pink dusting his cheeks.

"So, are you guys together?" Suna asked monotonously, eyes raised to look at the two. Aran didn't want to hear the answer, but he didn't have a choice. He can't just leave.

"Not yet," Atsumu answered after clicking his tongue. Aran's eyes darted towards Kita, who blushed harder as everyone cheers. Aran wanted to be happy for them, but his broken heart won't allow it.

"Yet?" Osamu asked and raised a brow. Atsumu rolled his eyes and answered, "well, still talk about it after I return from the training camp,"

The team laughed, so Aran decided to fake a laugh; while everyone laughed at their choice, Aran's heart broke.

"What's there to talk about?" Akagi asked as he wipes his tears.

"Yeah, you guys are already obvious," Ginjima added, and they did a high-five. Aran wanted to tell them to stop, but he didn't have the right to.

"I want to court Kita properly, so shut yer traps!" Atsumu yelled, and everyone released an "ooooh." Aran wanted to leave the gym. He didn't want to hear any teasing anymore. But just as he was about to walk out of the gym, Kita spoke, "alright, it's time for practice."

Aran was thankful that Kita decided to start practice when he did, but the smile Kita gave Atsumu didn't escape Aran's notice. He felt his heart shatter but decided to ignore it. He walked to the court and thought that maybe practice would distract him, but it didn't. Because with every perfect set Atsumu does, he'd glance at Kita with a proud grin on his face as if to tell him that it was for him. But what hurts Aran wasn't the grin on Atsumu's face. It was the small, proud smile Kita gives him every time.

Aran tried to ignore it, he really did, but he couldn't. His eyes will always dart towards Kita and Atsumu's subtle flirting. The training was over, and Aran couldn't be happier. He was drinking from his water bottle when he overheard Kita and Atsumu talking not far from them.

"I want to stay and help you clean," Atsumu said. He could tell that their setter was pouting as he says those words. He's known him that much.

"I know, but you have to leave for Tokyo tomorrow," Kita said. Aran didn't want to look at what expression Kita was making as he says those words to Atsumu, but his eyes betrayed him, and he found himself staring at Kita running his hand through Atsumu's sweaty hair. Aran took a sharp breath as he wishes it was him instead of Atsumu.

"But, Shin," Aran's heart stung, so they're on a first-name basis now.

"It's fine, Aran's with me," Kita said. He could feel a piercing glare thrown at him, and he already knows who's throwing it towards his direction. Aran couldn't tell if he should be happy or if he should be disappointed that Kita thinks of him as a cleaning partner or something.

"So, you'd rather be with Aran," He heard Atsumu whisper. Aran couldn't help how his lips tugged into a smirk as he listens to what Atsumu said. But the smirk on his lips didn't last long when he heard what Kita said.

"Just go, and I promise I'll go out on a date with you the first day you come back," Kita bargained. Aran pressed his lips into a thin line. Of course, Atsumu feeling jealous over him doesn't mean anything because he already has Kita's heart.

"Eww! Get a room!" He heard Kosaku yell and his head immediately snapped towards where Kita and Atsumu were. Aran bit his bottom lip and wished he didn't turn to look at him. He watched as Atsumu wraps his arms around Kita's waist, his lips lingering on Kita's head.

Oh, how he wished he was the one placing a kiss on Kita's head.

"No, you're just jealous!" Atsumu yelled and pulled Kita into a tight hug as he sticks his tongue out. Everyone was throwing their towels towards them, and Atsumu turned around so he'd receive all the towels.

Aran cleared his throat and clapped his hands. He didn't want to see any more of it, so he'd take advantage of being vice-captain. Everyone turned towards him with a pout, so he smiled at them and said, "let's clean up and go home, Atsumu still needs to go to Tokyo tomorrow, and everyone needs to rest."

"Fine," They grumbled and started dragging their legs to their bags while the others started picking up the towels and balls scattered on the court. Though the initial plan was to separate Kita and Atsumu, it didn't work, but at least he didn't have to listen to his teammates teasing the two.

After a few minutes of exchanging sweet words between Kita and Atsumu, the latter finally gave up and went home before his brother drags him out of the gym. Aran felt bad that he felt relieved after Atsumu had already left. It was so selfish for him to feel happy that he has Kita all to himself, even if it's just them mopping the wooden floor. Aran kept glancing at Kita as they mop the floor, and he couldn't help the question that escapes his lips.

"So, you're dating Miya Atsumu?" He asked, even though the answer was obvious. Kita's lips automatically curved into a smile, and Aran felt his heart constrict. He hated how the mention of Atsumu's name could make Kita smile widely.

"That's the first time you smiled at me like that," Aran's eyes went wide when the realization struck him. He didn't mean for it to slip his tongue, nor did he want it to sound so bitter.

"I'm not dating him yet, but we did talk about our feelings," Aran felt relieved that Kita didn't hear the bitterness in his tone. "Also, I'm sorry if I don't smile a lot,"

Aran shook his head and smiled, "it's fine, anyway. What are you planning after he comes back?" He must be a masochist for asking despite knowing.

"I'm planning to go on a date with him when he comes back. I mean, I promised," Kita said shyly. The smile on his lips was there, and a faint blush dusted his cheeks. Aran smiled bitterly and nodded.

"Right," He said. He didn't know what else to say.

"Uhm, do you know what I can do for Atsumu when he comes back?" Kita asked. Aran raised his head and looked at Kita. It was rare to see Kita display so many emotions, but Miya Atsumu could draw all of those out of Kita, and that's when Aran realized he could match him.

"Well, what do you have in mind? Let's go with what you're thinking, then maybe I can suggest a few things," Aran offered. Kita smiled and started telling him what he had planned. Aran listened to it, and it warmed his heart, seeing the smile on Kita's lips, and it made him happy to hear Kita being talkative. So, he thought maybe Miya Atsumu is good for him. He didn't mind that the first time Kita smiled at him was because he opened the topic about Atsumu.

Aran helped Kita with his problems with Atsumu. He gave Kita tips on dressing for a date and gave him his opinion about things Kita wanted to do for their setter. It was painful, but the smile on Kita's face every time he thanks him was worth it. He thought it was nice. He thought he'd never regret helping Kita, but he did. He regretted it.

"Kita, stop it!" Aran yelled as he drags Kita away from Atsumu's college dorm room. It pained him seeing the person he loves to beg for someone else's love. It was excruciatingly painful to watch Kita give everything to Atsumu and get hurt in the end. He hated how he had to watch Kita get on his knees and beg for Atsumu to work things out with him as tears streamed down his cheeks.

"Kita, come on," Aran pleaded and pulled him into a tight hug to stop him from knocking on Atsumu's dorm room. Kita wrapped his arms around Aran and let his tears fall on Aran's shoulder.

"It hurts, Aran," He whispers, Aran kept on rubbing Kita's back to comfort him, and when Kita stopped sobbing, he guided him away from Atsumu's dorm room. Aran witness how their relationship fell apart. How Atsumu slowly fell in love with Sakusa, the more he knew him. How Kita slowly fell apart when Atsumu broke it off with him when he found out that Sakusa liked him back

"Aran, what's wrong with me?" Kita asked. They were in their shared dorm room, and Kita was sitting on his bed, back pressed against the wall as he hugs his knees. Aran pressed his lips into a thin line.

"Nothing, it's Atsumu's fault that's fucked," Aran couldn't help but say. Kita hated anyone who bad-mouthed Atsumu, but Aran felt like Atsumu deserves it. "He's an asshole, a fucking dick,"

Kita sniffled and hugged his knees tighter. "He was the first one I loved," Kita admitted. Aran knew that, and it pained him to see Kita broken.

"I know," Aran whispered. Kita sniffled and released a bitter laugh.

"Maybe I'm not meant to be loved," Kita said out of nowhere, "Maybe it's punishment for saying that I don't care about the person grandmother said was watching me. Maybe that's why he took her away before making Atsumu turn his back on me,"

Aran clenched his fists and walked towards Kita. He pulled him into a tight hug and whispered, "you're meant to be loved, because if you aren't, then why am I so in love with you?"

Aran hated hearing the words that escaped Kita's mouth. He hated that Kita thought he didn't deserve any love, and he hated Atsumu for leaving Kita right after his grandmother's death.

"Aran," Kita whispered. He was stunned. He had to blink repeatedly while Aran tightened his grip around Kita.

"I've loved you since High School. That's why I stayed with you every practice. I love you so much that I helped you with Atsumu. I was a masochist for helping you, and I regret it. I wish I fought for you. I wish I confessed to you before Atsumu came into the club. I love you, Kita Shinsuke." Aran admitted. He knows Kita didn't need any of his feelings thrown at him at the moment, but he just hated how Kita didn't think he deserved love. So, he had to say it. He had to tell Kita how loved he is.

"Aran," Kita whispered again and tightened his grip around him. He sobbed into his shoulder as he chokes, "I'm sorry for making you go through all of those,"

Aran shook his head and ran his hand through Kita's hair, "it's okay, it was my choice," Aran said. Kita gently pushed Aran away and gave him a genuine smile as he says, "thank you,"

Aran felt his heart flutter, and along with it rose hope that maybe Kita and he could work out. But he was wrong once again, because the next day, he arrived at their dorm room with blood staining the floor. Aran gulped and ran to Kita's body and checked for a pulse, tears were streaming down his face, and when he felt nothing, a sob escaped his lips. Aran reached for his phone to call for 119 and once he was done, he heard rushed footsteps running towards them and someone's ragged breathing. He turned around and saw a terrified Atsumu standing behind him.

"Kita," Atsumu whispered and walked towards them. Aran glared at Atsumu, but the latter didn't mind. His eyes were glued to the lifeless body that rested on Aran's lap.

"Kita," Atsumu choked as tears came running down his cheeks. Aran wanted to move Kita's body away, but Atsumu was already kneeling in front of him, tapping Kita's cheeks.

"Kita, wake up. I'm right here!" Atsumu yelled. Aran glared at him and pushed him away, making Atsumu stumble backward.

"Get the fuck away from him!" Aran yelled. Atsumu glared, but before he could say anything, Aran was already yelling, "if you didn't leave him for Sakusa right after his grandmother died, then he wouldn't be dead!"

Atsumu furrowed his brows, "you think Kita killed himself because of me?!"

"What else could've happened?!" Aran yelled back.

"A serial killer came here, and Kita got targetted! I was on speed dial! He called me!" Atsumu yelled before crying. Aran didn't know what to say after that, but he felt hatred towards Atsumu and Kita's betrayal.

Kita's burial took place three days after the police investigation, and Aran stood in front of everyone as he gives his eulogy. Everyone had a lot to say, but Aran limited his words. He didn't have the heart to stand there and tell everyone what he felt for Kita. They're not the ones who were supposed to hear it, so what was the point?

Aran decided to keep it short and said, "I loved Kita Shinsuke since the beginning of High School, and I was there with him since then, but he never smiled at me. The first time he did was when we talked about the first and last person he's ever loved, Miya Atsumu. He smiled a lot when talking about him, but the smile I treasured the most was the first and last smile directed towards me. The first and last smile that I was the reason. That day was also the first and last time I told him that I love him. I love Kita Shinsuke with all my heart, and it hurts me that he chose to call Miya Atsumu during his last hours."

Aran turned towards the casket and said, "It hurts a lot, but because I was the one who was there for you all the time, but the worst thing is even after everything, I still love you, and I don't regret anything. Because no matter how many times you break my heart, I still love you."


End file.
